Eight Signs Your Perfectionism Is Out Of Control

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Travis Bradberry

We live in a world that idolizes perfectionism. From a very young age, parents, coaches, and teachers push us to be high achievers, but they fail to teach us balance. We live our lives with an ingrained desire to give our all in pursuit of lofty goals, but we don’t know when to pull back. We don’t know when enough actually is enough.

Most people lean hard into their perfectionism—they extol it as a virtue to the point that it becomes a vice. Doing so is troubling because separate studies from the University of British Columbia and the University of Tehran show that perfectionism is linked to depression, anxiety, and a slew of mental health issues.

To defeat perfectionism, you have to learn to spot when it’s holding you back. This task is difficult because perfectionistic tendencies like to hide under the guise of hard work and zeal.

Tal Ben-Shahar suggests that you shift your mentality from that of a perfectionist to that of an optimalist. Optimalists strive just as hard for success, but they’re more flexible, resilient and adaptive in the pursuit of their goals.

Shifting your approach from perfectionism to optimalism is bound to make you happier and more productive. First, you need to recognize the signs of perfectionism that’s holding you back. What follows are the hallmarks of perfectionism that has gotten out of control.

1. You recognize that your perfectionism is a problem, but you think that’s what it takes to be successful. Sometimes, you really need to push yourself hard to be successful. When your perfectionism gets out of control, using hard work as the justification for the unnecessary pain and suffering you endure is easy. Make no mistake about it, perfectionism does create unnecessary struggle and strife. When you get your perfectionism under control, you can work less and get more done.

2. You get defensive when receiving feedback. Perfectionists care deeply about what other people think of them, and this can make feedback hard to take. Even well-presented, useful feedback feels like a needle to the eye. You likely catch yourself acting defensively before you even realize that you take issue with the feedback. It’s a knee-jerk reaction. As a perfectionist, you naturally have an intense desire to succeed. Take comfort in the fact that feedback (even brutal feedback) is ultimately helping you improve your work. Take it in stride, and feedback will actually help you get closer to perfection.

3. However, you’re critical of others. Considering their inability to receive criticism, perfectionists sure can dish it out. Perfectionists can’t help but measure themselves against other people, so taking someone down a notch, especially if that person is a threat, feels good. Though, this isn’t always the reason. Perfectionists are also critical of others because they compare them to the same unobtainable standard to which they compare themselves.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2017/02/02/eight-signs-your-perfectionism-is-out-of-control/#4c1918024efb